Fairwell

I have sad and happy news.








Sad:


This is my last post on this blog.





Happy:


I have a new blog!! woohoo!!

The two post on there now are a little(a lot) lame, but I'll work on that. I've still got some tweeking to do with it...

I am sorry I haven't posted in quite a while and will work on that but I've been pretty busy.

Make sure and stop by my new blog as this is my last post!!

Another THANKful post :)

(just a heads up, I wrote this last night. that statement will make more sense as you read on )

One of Millions I am sure.

But do not fret friends, I will add my usual ramblings.

I will though get the mundane out of the way.

I am thankful for:

my family.

my new (great) job.

my friends.

my best friend.

my new found confidence.
my God.

cellphones. They keep me in touch with my family that happen to not live in the same state as me.

I am truly thankful for so many things. Big and Small. By small I mean ven mechanical pencils. And shiny shoes..

Today has been awesome. Totally awesome. I had a great day at work. I am so ver thankful for my new found confidence. Usually I'm pretty shy and quiet the first few days at a new job but not here. Here I am me, right off the bat. Wel actually I am not quiet all me, I'm holding back on the sarcasm and smack-talk. ;) I am loving it though. I need to get a few things:

A huge stockpile of gel inserts.
Tape Measurer ,

Binder Pens,

Flats,

Shirts in certain colors,

Calculator...

And a watch! hahaha ugh! I love the thought of shopping but the action of shopping it's self is a pain. Especially when you shop alone.

I have a bunch of thankfulness for my best friend. Hmm where to start? He is amazing. He keeps me sain, always encorages me and hard on me when I need it. Not to mention he knows how to make me laugh.

And here is a little secret, I am thankful for all the guys in my life. Yes, they ARE all FRIENDS, several of whome I know would like more, but i am thank for them. They do offer me encouragement along with intellectual and meaningful conversations. Oh boy, well there are two oh boys here.

One:I almost sound like a tramp. "all the guys in my life" sheeze.

Two: Mom and I just got into a fight. She took a pain pill or two or whatever. And probably a glass of wine.

On a very honest and sober note I think I'm so honest on here because I don't think anyone actually reads this. But it helps me and I hope it may at some point help someone else.

(okay I'm skipping the rest of wht I wrote last night and am going to just talk about today. Sorry if this is confusing.)
I was completely planning on posting all of the above last night, but my moms laptop was acting up. The time here at my moms has been interesting. It has definitely stayed fun though. I handled my very first holiday all alone very well. :) Stayed positive the whole time and had a blast. My step sister didn't talk to me but I wasn't expecting much in that department. I've pretty much been watching football all day and I have never tweeted or been this internet active via phone in a long long time haha.

Mom and I fought last night about "our" wedding dress, My step dad actually stood up for me after slightly guilting be about the seperation. I LOVED seeing all of the family. Even had a great time with my PaPa!

Here are a few pictures!

A few more things I'm thankful for:

Football

Sweet Tator Casserole

Step Family

Laughter

and all of you :)

Have a great night and please be safe if you go out tomorrow!!

Amazing News

I was going to do a bit of a weekend recap, but then I realized it was only Saturday night. Sheesh lol

So I got the job at Ashley Furniture!! That was the amazing news I was holding out on you!! I went in the Tuesday before last and pretty well had the job right then, I only had to do my drug test and wait on my background check! And M the manager called me yesterday morning to tell me that they were waiting on my background check and that there and been a mix up with it. Then he called a few hours later and asked when I could start!! So I am going in early Monday to do paper work and start my first day!!

SOSOSOSOSO happy and it couldn't have come at a better time!! I pretty well lost my job at the Celtic this past wednesday. I'm okay with not working there, I was going to be putting my two weeks in after I heard from Ashley, but looks like God had other plans!

Not Gonna lie, I'm pretty distracted by my LSU game.


I just wanted you to know the big news. I'll fill ya in more later!

Have a great rest of the weekend!!

Annoyed

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Weekend ReCap

Isn't she so pretty!?! CC and I went to school together and never really hung out, we still can't figure out why not! We had a blast last night! Drag night is so much fun let me tell you. CC brought her(now!) boyfriend and one of his friends. Who is a good dancer and gave me a few dancing tips. CC and I were also the first girls that one of the Queens pulled on to the floor for the song "girls(rule the world)" by Beyonce.
SunDAY I helped with our yardsale, went for a jog(giving myself a migrane), and went shopping. I got some good things! Also got to try some homemade(first time ever for this person) Banana Bread, it was very good!
Saturday I had a two hour sushi lunch, it was pretty awesome. Then I went to work and you know the rest...
Friday I worked and then ended up going to a 21st birthday party, it was..fun.. Oh I also had my nails filled!

But I can't get the picture to load...hmmm

Pain and Ramblings

Let me start off by saying this will be a mostly sad post.

I was a hot mess last night. Lots of crying lots of pain, anger, frustration and stress. Lots. My dad called me while I was at work and told me that my Grama (yes I know it's spelt wrong but that's how I've spelt it since I was tiny.) has cancer. She is going to be having kimo and a lot of surgery. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I haven't seen her or my Grampa(who has congestive heart failure and is not doing well) in over two years.
And I haven't been the best grandaughter in the world. I love them more than they'll ever know, but because I sometimes feel like an outcast, which is all in my head I'm sure and a topic I may or may not cover in the future, I haven't tried anywhere near as hard as I should to stay in touch with them. Something that since the seperation/divorce has actually changed, my Grama and I are getting closer. So are my father and I.

But like I said, I haven't seen them in over two years. I have major financial stress, that is hightened by the fact that I want to go see them and I don't want to wait til Febuary like I was originally planny. I want to go now. I want to go in December and stay a while and help, even though my dad and aunt are staying there. I want to go learn about my grama and grampa and make as many memories as I can. There is still a lot I want to learn about and from them.

Last night I was having trouble breathing, I felt nausious, I had a horrible time controlling my tears and I wanted to hurt myself. I wanted to hurt myself so that I could control all of this emotional confusion. I did not though, so don't worry. I'm sure you're wondering why I took it so hard and I can only tell you that I have a lot of stress. A lot. But I am much better today. I came home, had a few beers, and took something to help me sleep. Didn't really sleep well, but at least I slept.Woke up, copied some recipies, ate, went for a jog(gave myself a migrane), and am now helping with the yardsale. I will soon be going shopping. YAY.

BFTAG was on a camping trip out of town, a few hours away actually, but he did call and we talked for about half an hour. Let me tell you, it helped a lot. So did all the people who were blowing up my phone and making me feel better.

Trust me this is not at all the post I was wanting to make, that post will probably be done tomorrow.

And those ramblings I mentioned are probably not going to happen. They are in my head but I seem to not be in a rambling mood.

bloatidge

There are a million and one other things I would truly prefer talking about, but I must get this out of the way and try to wrangle my posts in from the infamous ramblings I've been doing.

I feel horribly bloated. Distended belly, amazing muffin top and oh so sexy four pack of fat. :) All of which is mainly from the 160 oz (roughly) of water I drank yesterday and the pigging out I did in the week surrounding Halloween.

"Why drink so much water?", You may ask. Pull up a more comfy chair and let me tell you....

It all started on day when the little devil on my shoulder said, "hey, it's two days before halloween, why not live it up on the candy? Let that sweet tooth have some fun, you can always work out more." Yeah the little angel really didn't have much to say, she knew it was a losing battle. Then came some beer. Pretty good beer too. Then it actually was halloween and my place of employment supplied some yummy candy. Not just some but a whole bunch. So much that there is still a bunch left. Up until yesterday I have been munching on said candy.

I'm actually proud of myself I only had two pieces today. :)

But back to the story.

So Tuesday I decided I need to be much more hydrated. Seeing as I really don't drink enough water through out the day. Or enough of any liquids for that matter. One to two cups a day really ain't cuttin' it. There's been this glass water bottle at Starbucks calling my name for about six months and I finally gave in. Which I am very happy about. So I started drinking more water. And was super surprised at how thirsty I ended up being yesterday. Hence the 160oz of water.

I came home and after eating a bowl of LIFE cereal(maple and brown sugar flavor...one of my all time favorite cereals) I researched how to lose water weight. And I found some interesting things:
(you can do one or all or several of the following)
Drink 3cups of green tea a day
Drink 3cups of dandelion tea a day ( just go in your back yard pluck a few leaves, rinse them of course, boil 'em and wa-lah)
Drink 3cups of parsley tea(made with roughly 2tablespoons of parsley)
Take a garlic pill (as directed)
And/Or Drink black coffee... which is not something I want to do.

All of those along with regular exercise is smiled upon. And explains why I never felt that bloated when I was regularly drinking green tea... Also why most Asians stay so skinny...hmm... what other secrets do they have? lol! ( I really do love Asian food...)

Well I decided to go make me a cup of green tea, which turned into two cups and I'm now on my third :) . I forgot how much I love this stuff, it really is healthy for you. It helps with depression, infection, has antioxidants, rheumatoid arthritis... I looked some things up for you nay-sayers. Which further embedded the fact that I will be drinking this stuff more often. I will also be trying that parsley and dandelion tea. I love dandelions.

By the way don't give away to many of those little anti-bloatidge gems ;) hahaha

A Truly Great Ending

To a Great Rainy Day.


It is amazing where a positive attitude will get you! Today has been great, so I stick my tongue out to all you rainy day nay sayers. :p

For my todo list, I finished everything but folding my laundry. I did put some away though. There isn't much so I'm not upset or worried about it. It will be conquered in the morning. I DID get a new bank account, had my nails complimented twice, had a great work out, buy an awesome glass bottle from starbucks that I've been wanting and went bowling. I also have a pretty great surprise for you!!! But will not be able to disclose it until Friday or Saturday. But trust me it is good. :D


Bowling was tons of fun. Little Miss and Little Man along with BFTAG and myself all went. It was cute teaching and helping the kids(my housemates youngsters). Little Man kicked all our butts, it was pretty ridiculous. Kid has talent.

My water bottle has made me so happy. It's glass so you don't get that metalic or plastic taste and it doesn't leach into your water. It also has a purple plastic sleeve. YAY purple!!

Oh and the kids gave me a really cute quote:
Little Man:(a comercial came on for legos) "will you buy me those?"
Little Miss: "I can't drive."
Kids really do say the darnedest things :)

So far I am really liking my new bank, the debit card is a little weird and I'm not sure if I unlocked it or not so I may call tomorrow. (Tomorrow I will also be meeting with my advisor for school, another excitement!)


My work out consisted of 20minutes on one of the bikes at a level10. I was gettin' it too! (down south that pretty much means I was working hard haha). I definitely was sweaty and I enjoyed every minute of it. It would have been better had ESPN been playing an actual sport instead of what was going on with the PENN state coach and there hadn't been a creepy employee. I did a good job of ignoring him though :) Just cuz you work at a gym, don't mean you're hot stuff. Just sayin.

On a somewhat sour note an umbrella I got from work(some one left it behind and I'm pretty sure I know why now) that was really cute and colorful broke today. Thats why the previous owner left it. One good, well not even that strong of wind gust came and it flopped the other way. Then it did it again. And once I got my self in the car and the umbrella to follow it wouldn't flop back the right way....So I kinda broke it even more.... oh well I get to get a new one!!(say the last part in a sing songy way...it's so much better!)

Surpisingly I'm fighting off sleep! So I shall bid you good night! Sweet dreams!

Truly a Rainy Day Story

At least for those of us here in NWA.

But even though it is rainy, I managed to sleep good again and wake up in a really good mood. I've written myself a small todo list and even made a small change to the 101. I'll now be doing 10sit ups every morning! I am behind two days so I'll make that up today. It's something I'm actually excited to do.

Its almost a hot coco-good book-warm blanket kind of day, expecially with it raining as hard as it is. But I'm in the mood to go buy some rain boots(which I need to do anyways) and go play in it!

Yesterday was also a pretty good day. Minus the fact that my right hand middle finger nail was almost ripped off and I broke a bottle of hot sauce then cut my knee on a small peice. ER(my housemate) and I went furniture shopping! I didn't buy anything, but she bought a cute chef picture. I was greatly inspired by the last store we went to. I really love interior decor. Really love it. So I will be applying for a job at a furniture store and getting my foot in on the interior design. Not to mention I'm hoping to get a discount or two :)

on the furniture note though, my room is coming along well. I'm still going through a few ideas in my head, looking for furniture and drawing some pieces up(a friend is going to custom make me some). I will definitely make sure to post some pictures with the finished product.


Im really excited about today, so i'm going to go get started!! Anything really exciting happens I'll make sure to tell you!

The Walking Dead

Just sittin' here, watching the above show. With BFTAG. My usual buddy had to work. BFTAG is a pain n the butt more often than not, but he has a big screen to watch zombies on...and is reading over my shoulder....

You may have noticed, I updated my 101 in 1001!!! yay! August 3, 2014 is my end date. Be proud, I started working on number24. I made my bed this morning at looked beautiful. :)

You will not have to worry about pitty party posts, they will be few and far between.(as BFTAG laughs at me, jerk). I'm going to turning a new leaf and embracing a much more positive attitude that I've obviously lost. And I do apologize. This list is going to be much more helpful at keepin me positive and will also make your reading much more enjoyable. I am also excited to do a much needed picture post. I just need a laptop and my cord for the phone to be together at the same time.

I shot some hoops today! And actually made it in the..goal? a few times! It was fun. The past two days have had beautiful weather. I'm just really hoping tomorrow will be nice also. Having days go from nice to hot to cold gets annoying, especially when you don't listen to the weather. Not to mention the gorgeous colors that have enveloped the trees. I'll try to post pictures of that also.

It's hard to blog with someone reading over your shouder.


I know I've said this, but, I am really excited about this positive attitude and this new sence of freedom. I'm excited to be out with the old and in with the new. Very excited.

I hope everyone had a great weekend and that ya'll have an amazing week!

(Bythe way did any Arkansans or you OKs feel that earthwake? It scared me to death!)

Rough Drafts

I was going to title this "Life of An Adult", but I don't know. It doesn't really fit.
So I'll tell you a little secret: Most of the time I do rough drafts of my posts. Not all the time, but most of the time. :)

As much as I'v tried to not stress and posted about not stressing, it just won't stop. Yesterday it just felt like everything was caving in. Even though I was still pretty chipper, I was more so frustrated and like I said, it felt like everything was caving in.

As much of a people person that I am, and as much as I love working at a restaurant, it is just not for me. I am not going to bad and I am not going to trash talk. I'm just going to take action and better my own life.

With my stress levels and my depression I was about to go down the hill. A pretty big bad hill. (and yes I know I promised to be honest, but there are still things I will not yet talk about, or in some cases talk about at all. Some things need to stay private, alway remember that.) But mah BFTAG stopped me, he has kept me sane and grounded. And I am very thankful to him and apologetic that I have not been a better friend. But that is something I'm working on. i've let a lot of wrong from past people and past experiences really affect me lately. Almost to the point of changing my me. My who I am.

Uh, there are so many things right now that are just crushing. In on me. And this time of year is the cuddly time, and have someone with you. Someone to save you from your family dinners and be able to take you and go to their families. I will say I'm thankful that my housemate has the tradition of having Thanksgiving at her house for friends that have no where else to go. It will be a saving grace for me.

I have been a bottomless pit for food for the past two days. I don't know if it's stress, if it's my metabolism or what. But it drives me crazy, I've gone though bouts(not sure if I spelt that right) my whole life. I will eat eat eat eat and then i will practically be anorexic. Its annoying.

I know this post has bounced off several walls, but that is my brain pattern today. All over. There is so much going on and that i have to do that its just ugh. Again I am sorry that this has been a crazy and somewhat downer post. I promise I will have a very chipper post for you soon.

have a GREAT weekend.

The little things

I love the little things that brighten my day :)

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All Those Crazy Thoughts

that we used to have as kids or even now. Whats is the craziest thing you've thought of today? Did you act on it? Did you pay it much attention? Will you act on it?

See I've had this little thought floating around for LONG TIME. Then I buried it pretty deep, because of Joshua. But its started floating agian, pretty bad. In fact bad en0ugh that I'm finally acting on it. And... woo.. I cant believe I'm telling the whole internet, but I'm going to start modeling. Not full time walk the run walk way, but part time showing skin.

I think the female body is beautiful and why not show off whatcha got? I'll not be doing nude shots, or playboy like crap, but actual art work. Things I won't be embarressed of when I have children, things I can be proud of. I'm horribly excited and I'm also a bit nervous. I am going to adopt a new diet plan, and stick to it pretty stead fast. I may not be "fat" but I have weight that I can lose and muscles/areas that could use some toning. I want to be healthy, not just a skinny girl with a pretty face. If you don't have health, you really have nothing.


Lets see... yeah not a lot of other crazy thoughts going that warrant a mention.

I've had a pretty good day today. The weather has been suprisingly amazing. I can not tell you how thankful I am to be in this beautiful house, blessed with stability and a great housemate. I love her and her kids to death. Even though her little boy and I argue quite a bit. The knowlegde that I will come home to one place for at least a year is so comforting. In three months since I left Josh, I've moved at least4to6 times. And with having a whole life of moving AT LEAST once a year, this is exciting.

I get to decorate my room how I want. I get organize my clothes in my closet the way I want and take up all the shoe space I want. I'm feeling an honest to God sence of freedom at this moment. And I love it.

But the only things that is really bothering me, even more so than money(because I've got a few cards up my sleeve and will be getting paid soon), I'm scared to death I'm going to lose my best friend, my instate bro. I've been pushing him to start talking to others girls and when we went to a party friday, he started talking to one. That I know of. I love him to death and we've grown really close these past few months(hence the best friend part). And while I'm happy that he talking with a girl(s?), I'm worried. I have this luck of not having friends(especailly the ones I'm closest too) not sticking around. Ugh I don't know why I'm so worried, he's always said he won't date a girl if she isn't okay with his best friend being a girl and me. But words are words, we'll just have to wait and see the actions.

Okay okay en0ugh rambling! I hope everyone has a great night and had a great day!

Not Mommys Little Girl Anymore

I am no longer the little girl who would run for mommy(or daddy) whenever I scratch me knee or see a big spider. As badly as I may want to, I no longer do.

I am a big who is all on her own now. I don't need a man. Maybe for car troubles or furniture that is too heavy. But that's it. I can plunge my own toilets, cook my own meats(this is big because I HATE cooking meat), I kill spiders(after cursing them out for a few minutes), and I know how to shoot a gun. I may not yet be able to skin a buck, but I'll get there.

Life likes to throw lemons and punches and road blocks. But we all learn to make lemonaide, to take the punch and throw one back and we always learn the back roads. But we still can't learn to leave the stress or worry alone. Why is that? There is nothing we can do to change what is happening or what happened. We can, sometimes, change the "will" happen. We all grow and mature, some faster than others. Some in much different ways than others. But we are all human, we are flesh and blood.

I, me, this RainyDayStory girl, is flesh and blood. I have emotions, I have fears, I have dreams and goals. I have my mommy, even though we don't get along. I have my daddy, who I think we're getting close again. I have my family. And I have my friends. I am a big girl.

I have bills to pay, college to put myself through, and a life to live. I have a full plate and can't let it get to me. Like I've said before I don't like not go go going. I can't do one thing for long. When stress hits, I head for the sugar.

Yes, my life is easier compared to most and I have put myself in this position but for me that doesn't make it any easier.

This post is pretty well all over the place, I apologize, but my thoughts are pretty scattered. I almost know what I want to say, just the words are having trouble coming out.

Welcome to Halloween Weekend!

Where you will find ghouls, gobblyn, pirates and giant stuffed animals.

Along with a TON of fun.

ton of fun. (sorry I had to make sure you heard that part ;) )

Well yes I went to a fun halloween party last night. And it was freezing cold. I mean it was ridiculous. And I was really the only one cold. Especially mah fingers. I think it's because of the nails. I had to get them redone. They look amazing.

So my plan for all of halloween weekend was to dress up as the season "Autumn' BUT this week has been hectic. I just moved again. But this is the final and last time. Thank God. So my costume was not really complete so i'm finishing it today wearing it tonight and then doing more and wearing it agin monday. Last night though I was a flapper. :)


ugh time flies...gotta go! I hope everyone has a safe and fun weekend!!
(SAFE!)

I F***ing hate spiders.

With a passion.

A huge passion. Especially when they are in whatever building I'm staying at. Which has been GH's lately. And there have been quite a few creepy crawlies lately. Like tonight for example. I went to go to the bathroom and we all like to relax while we're peeing when all of a sudden enter from the left stage front comes a huge SPIDER. I stopped breathing for a second and then stomped on it. Finished peeing, kept my foot on the body, and tried to figure out what I was going to pick up it with. And then decided to stomp it again just in case.

I almsot threw up. It made a noise and I felt it through my freaking puma! WTF?!?!

See the other day there was a HUGE centepede. And then last night there was a spider..or was it the night before. I...can't...remember...omg! it was both nights!! I barely slept last night, and I hightly doubt I'm sleeping tonight.

I f***ing hate spiders. And I don't use the hate word lightly.

I hope everyone has a much better night than me! Sweet Dreams

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Insightful?

Not so much this time. I mean I was totally thinking about doing an insightfull post but I've done so much of them and i am in a really really bubbly mood. And sure it could go either way but eff the insightfull mood tonight.

I had my nails done today! They are actually really cute. I had them done by one of my moms close friends. Pictures soon!! They were done for my halloween costume, not quite what i was hoping for/wanting, but they are still really cute. My best guy friend has been amazing lately. He went with me to get my nails done even though it took WAY WAY longer than it was supposed to, he helped my friend ,ER, and I with a few things and has just been there emotionally for me. I had a pretty nifty(yes that's sarcasm) panic attack and he helped calm me down.

My new diet has been going pretty darn good! I'm so surprised at how well I've been able to curb my sweet tooth. Don't get me wrong all of these fruits have been a huge help. My goal to tone up before Halloween is sadly not as reached as I was hoping. I mean I can see some toning going in my legs which makes me really happy. I did download an fitness app. ... yeah I have been pretty lazy about keeping up with it. I mean it's really insightful on how many calories are in things and how many calories you burn. I guess it's helped because I really watch how much I eat. The whole typing everything in and finding the right the item got a little annoying and monontinious.

Oh goodness Oh goodness. I have completely forgotten almost everything I was thinking about saying. Ugh I was wired a little while ago and now I'm pretty sleepy. And Hungry.

Ahh yes, pictures. I will upload pictures for you as soon as I can! Let me tell you, I have quite the to do/to get list

Sweet dreams! hope Everyone has had a great weekend!

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What's In a Name?

Quite a lot if you look at it.

How many Ambers do you know that are quite a lot alike?

Or Chris'?

Or Ashley?

Then think about those you know with unusual names. They aren't like everyone else. Granted no two people are the same. But what about last names? Those can be either a burden or blessing. They can be a name of honor or a name of shame. We, on our own, can lift them up or tear them down.

But what about titles? Magazines, books, articles.... Blog posts?

They can be quirky, serious, completely off topic. But more often then not spot on. They can hint, make you keep going or they can make you want to read more.

I guess what I'm getting at is the fact that I am looking to change my blogs name. I am no longer a Bakers Bride. But what I am?

I am the daughter of a quirky father, who used to do engineering, and loves nature. A good mix of Italian and French. And a little Irish. My mother has a taste for alcohol, and crafts. With a little bit of pack-rat/hoarders syndrome. And a smidgen of Native American and horse thief in her blood.

Me? I'm a football, hunting get your hands dirty kind of girl. I'm a classy mix of ethnic background. I have a constancy of change and a love of adventure. I do enjoy "seeing the color in the black and white", so that can of course stay. But what about the top title?

A Baking Girl (I do enjoy baking)

A Custom Class (I really don't know where this came from but it sounds good. Maybe a class in learning about ones self and learning from your experiences. I don't know, I may like this one)

A Rainy Day Story (Hmm I like this as well)

I may just leave it with "Seeing Color in the Black and white"....

What are your thoughts??

(Yes this was an insightful post for the name of my blog. But please don't let that deter you from the interesting things that have now come to your mind.)

Deciding Your Future

Is NOT an easy task.

I absolutely love marine biology. And am very very interested in teaching, English class preferably. But now I'm really debating Interior Design. I've always thought about it, and it might be good for me.

I'm the kind of person that isn't good with consistancy. I've never really truly had it all my life. So I'm not used to it. I am constantly changing or wanting to change the things around me. Clothes, shoes, hair, make up, furniture arrangements, decor. I'm constantly on the move. Go go go. Even when I'm trying to relax I would rather be go go go-ing.

I've got a lot of research to do. For the Marine Biology and Interior Design.

I think Interior Design will be good for me because it will give me that change that I need on a some what consistant basis.

I actually think this post made my mind up for me. :)

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Me.

I may be strong but I'm very fragile. I stress easily and smile more than I feel like it. I"m not very picky but I know what I like and what I don't. I'll try ALMOST everything once and have a taste for adventure. I like to try new foods. My sweet tooth can over take me at times but I usually gorge on veggies soon after. Anything with a little spice is yummy. I do enjoy cooking, more so if I haven't had a long day. I have never talked to God as much as I should, and that applies even more so now. That is something I am greatly concerned about and working on.

I maybe underage but I do enjoy a beer or two. I never aim to get drunk but when/if I do, I realize my limitations. And stay in control of myself. I never let alcohol be my excuse and never let anything happen to LET alcohol be an excuse.

I love loud music. I love to dance. HipHop is great but country has it all. Classical helps me concentrate and think. And different country music(Irish, Japanese, ect.) makes me smile.

I think better with a PENCIL in my hand. Not a pen and not a keyboard.

I have anxiety problems and panic attacks. But I am getting better at controlling them and being a big girl.

I love football. LOVE. I am a sports girl. I love being active. I want to learn about Lacrosse and Rugby. Sometimes I get into a baseball game, but not often. I am a Saints fan. College wise I love the Hogs and LSU. Hockey is somewhat of an interest to me.

Fashion is fun. I enjoy I enjoy putting things together and even making some of my own clothes. I also LOVE shiny shoes. And I get really annoyed when designers do stupid things.

I am walking away from a man who loves me unconditionally because I know he deserves better. Because I do not know that I can love. Let alone love as he does. I easily forgive others but have a hard time forgiving myself. He is amazing. And will one day find someone who has his convictions and can treat him exactly how he deserves.

I have a hard time balancing myself. I give myself almost entirely to the things that are important to me. My goal is to be better balanced in all aspects of my life.

I am a night all and a day lover. I see through the lens of a camera and can turn a dumpsite into a beautiful photograph. But don't ask me to draw anything more than a tree or flower.

These are a few things that I have learned (and have known) about myself lately.

Just a small few.

Surprise and Gratitude

Joshua and I met up last night. And it went really well.

I can not tell you how grateful I am about how calm, civil and mature he is being. Obviously he doesn't WANT this to happen but he is being very mature. In fact, we are (mainly me) are getting along so much better. He even offered to let me stay in one of the extra rooms. I told him it probably wouldn't work, he wouldn't like my friends over and me always gone. But after a little I told him we would talk. It would save me a lot in gas, but yea...We'll see.

He is going to keep the house, I'm going to keep the car. I"m going to take just a few dishes, not a lot and I mean eff. this room mate thing is throwing me off.

Okay look my phone has throughly pissed me off today and it's hard to concentrate on everything else. But things with Joshua are great right now. Platonically.

I hope everyone has a great weekend!!

Wednesday Short Story!

Lets see this is almost a double short story seeing as I forgot to do last weeks!!

• Finally figured out what I want to be for halloween! It's going to be partially handmade!
• I'm applying for some 9-5 jobs..or 9-4/8-4 haha mainly a monday through friday job!
• I'm changing up my diet. My goal is to slim down, losing hopefully ten pounds, before halloween
• I'm still working on my new 101 in 1001
• I have made some nifty new friends
• I'm pretty popular on pinterest, love it lol
• Gina will be home soon
• I'm switching banks (It'll make my life easier)
• I haven't had a chance to go hunting. I hate it!
• So proud of LSU and the HOGS for winning!!! yay!!
• My 49ers, my Lions AND my Saints won!!
• This seasons Biggest Loser is not that great. :/
• I had my done Saturday, LOVE IT.
• Saw the Cox' at Calins birthday party!
• The breakdown I had last week may not have been long enough or enough at all. I feel like there is more that I need to get rid of
• I haven't worked out as much as I wanted...I throughly enjoy killing my self in the gym

One Week

I can't believe it's been one whole week since I posted. I completely forgot about my Wednesday short story. oops!

I've been house sitting at Gina's with Nicole and have been having a blast. I'm so glad she has too, out in California! All three of my jobs are going well. I may have another job! If it works out then hopefully it'll drop me down to two jobs. Or possibly stay at three. Ugh, we'll see. I'm tired of working so much. I fell asleep at about..12ish 1230ish. I woke up at 830, went to by a charger and was back to sleep just before 10, didn't wake up again until just after eleven. Got out of bed at...actually got out of bed about 12.

And to top it all off, I'm kinda sleepy again.

When I said I go go go I wasn't kidding. When I'm not doing something it drives me crazy. But when i want to get my rest, I better freaking get it. I hate being unable to rest or sleep and being constantly interrupted. After I get my rest I'll be good and ready to go go go again.

I have an appointment to meet with an NWACC adviser next week and I am really excited.

That's really all I've got right now ha ha

Breath

Why am I unhappy? Why am i unable to return to the house that I helped pick out and signed papers for? Why am i so unhappy??

Almost every fiber (keyword ALMOST) wants to WANT to go to said house and curl up into a bed with a man that i can not say with 100percent certainty that I love.

And he is fighting for me. He is fighting hard. Very hard. And I have been pushing him away even harder.

Because I don't love myself. Not fully, but I'm getting there. And I can say with 100percent that loving myself had been a hard thing to do my entire life. Maybe it's my standards that are to high on myself.

I can't think about this. I can't sit still.

Even now as I'm trying to think of things to put here, I keep trying to distract myself. With everything I can. I don't want to think. i don't want to talk. My brain has been so so messed up these past few days. So horribly. I can't remember names, or a few small simple things. My short term memory is more or less gone. Probably less...

(after a few hours of sleep, and thinking and bestie time)

I think I honestly will be happier without him. He may be right, no one will ever be able to love me like he does/has. But I wouldn't expect them to. No two people are the same, so why or how could they love the same??

He also thinks that my friends are horribly bad influences on my opinion of him and the marriage. Which is completely untrue. They are advocating for my happiness. Whether or not that is with him or with out him. It is my choice. I have three choices: divorce, stay or go my own way.

The other night at Harps he did what he always does: yelled at me and then was very apologetic and wanted things to work out again. He just wants me back home and will go on like this never happened. "For the better".

he said a lot of thinkgs to be honest. It hit home pretty hard when he said I have no good reason to leave. As you know I feel as though I truly don't, but for my happiness. And for his.

I know that my life will go on with out him. It will go on with out him. and his will go on with out me. He'll be hurt and pissed. And I'll be changing my denomination But not my views. In three weeks I've come a long way from where I was.

And it makes me happy.

Wednesday short story

Wow I forgot it was wednesday..
1. Picking a halloween costume is not easy
2. I want smores
3. I have two if the best female friends ever
4. I have money stress
5. The kids I watched last night were great
6. Reconnected with another old friend
7. Got a voice mail from my dad saying he loved me(I almost started bawling)
8. Joshua went to a counselor today
9. I told my grama (dads mom) josh and I were separated
10. Karaoke was actually lame tonight


It was an over all good day!!

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What is love?

I can quote corinthians to answer that. But what else is it? I thought I knew. I thought I had it all figured out. I thought I had my fairy tale. But slowly cracks made their way into the walls. And floors and windows. Slowly and sneakily. So sneaky I never saw them so I can't date how long they're been there. But if I had to guess it would be a while.
I met with joshua today. We say at subway for 2.5 hours and finally made some head way. I told him quite a few things. He "spilled" his heart. he wants to practically completely change for me. I don't want that. That isn't love. he said he would take me and buy my tattoo if thats what it took to save us and keep me.
See thing is, I dont want him to hold this against me and or over me. Same about Cali. Same about everything. I caved though. I told him I would try. But only with my terms. 1. He takes his rings off 2. I don't stay there 3. We start all over as if we were just dating 4. I can't believe I'm saying this but sex with no strings 5. He starts going out and making friends. Guys and girls. I don't care.
I promised him nothing. I made it clear, very clear, that I could promise him nothing., I would not could not promise him that I would come home or that this would work. I Kept reiterating that point and that I know that all of this hurt him but it was the truth and it all needed to be said. I wanted to be honest so I was.
I told him I knew that if I stayed things would go back to the way things were. That he and I had always fought and been stressed or entire relationship. Pretty much everything I have posted on here. It all started off with tears but it got to the point that I had to be firm. This is a first for us. We've never been in a situation like this before. He says he's changed. We'll see. That's all I can really say, that's all I really have left to say. I told him I may still not want to come home after all this. So.... We'll see.
He asked if I missed or thought about him. I was honest: yes I'd thought about him, I'd been worried about him. But no I hadn't missed him. I had been so much happier gone.

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Sunday Blues

This post will be all over the place. Fair Warning.

So most of this was supposed to be posted friday but busybusybusy happens to be my life lately. Okay here we go.

I have yet again realized a few things. Don't worry I'm sure I'll also repeat myself a few times. Joshua and I got married to fast. Yes we were married just over a year of being in a relationship, but we were engaged just over six months into it. So we had all of the planning of a wedding going on. I went from being under my moms thumb to being a wife. This is kind of how our relationship has gone: He was always there for me as a friend. We finally started dating and had my high school education and his college education along with how controlling my mom was to have much of our focus. I can't tell you how proud of him I am for being in the top of the class. Then we had the engagement to focus on, all the planning (and planning) and planning the after wedding. Then buying a house(we also looked at houses before getting married.). I mean long story short, we've never really focused on us. Through our entire relationship(except when we were friends) we've fought. And we have always been stressed.

We were in love with being in love. With a future with a family. We've always agreed and been told that if you keep God in the marriage/relationship that it will survive. Well we have always kept God in our relationship/marriage.

I asked him to stop calling me 'baby' friday. He has. But he hasn't stopped trying. Trying very very hard. Joshua is a good man. And I really thought about what my mom said, about me 'throwing everything away.' See thing is, I'm not throwing anything away. I'm passing it on to someone who really deserves it.

Okay so I have no idea what else to say. There is so much that I want to say. But I'm just not sure how to say it.

Well my nanny job is going really good. I really enjoy the little girl she is such a sweet heart! The celtic job is also great. I even got a great compliment from the manager. She loves me as the hostess and hasn't found anyone as good! But the sad thing is I NEED to find another job. I would love to still be able to work at the celtic and am going to try. But with everything going on I am in need of better pay.

I am doing a really cute photo album almost, a type of 365. About a really really cute ducky named Bobby.

Wednesday Short Story!

This is just a bunch of random stuff. Some things I've learned, discovered, and some things that have happened.

• I want to start meeting new people
• I'm going to start wearing heels more
• I love to dress up and "break necks"
• I love to hunt
• I love dirt roads. And all that comes with them.
• I've been reminded that you really don't know what goes on behind closed doors.
• I have a lot of exciting things coming up.

• I went to a Drag Show (Tons of Fun)
• I'm craving some hunting and am pretty sad about selling my bow.
• I love make friends out of acquaintances!

ahhh a true short story Wednesday!

Not an Open Person

Let me just start off by being really honest.

This blog has helped me in more ways than one. I'm really not an open person, unless we're close and I know I can trust you. But as you've noticed I'm sure I've been spilling some pretty big beans on here. Beans you wouldn't expect a 20year old married penecostal women to be spilling. But here they are.

And the fact that I have been spilling said beans on the world wide web has helped me to be able to talk to other people about it. Some know more than what I've typed on here and some know lesss. I'm doing this to help myself. Mainly. Mostly. And to also help some one out there, anyone, man, woman, engaged, married or just dating.

So the fact that I'm not that open with complete strangers sometimes makes it hard for me to post on here.

I'm sure you're wondering how it went at my moms. It went pretty bad but better than I expected....The day I left. My first night there after work I told her a little about what was going on: Josh and I are seperated. I need my space. I got married too young.

Wait wait wait...let me back track real quick. I called to let her know that I would be staying for a while...a few weeks or maybe a few months. She automatically asked if I was seeing anyone else. Yeah that pissed me off. By the way the answer is NO.

Back to her bathroom where we were talking a second ago. She asked me if I was having an affair. I said NO. And mentally wished she would quit projecting herself on to me.) She asked who my instate brother was and said she didn't recognize his name from highschool. I told her he and I weren't that close then and thought I never told you anything about highschool and was stuck on Josh then. She then told me Josh had called her the day before crying(that's how she knew about ISB [instate bro]). And asked how I could just throw everything away.

Yeah thanks mom thanks for making one of the hardest things I'm doing in life even easier. Thanks.

An hour or so later she came to sit on the foot rest of a sofa I was on(blogging at the time I think) and said, "I can't believe I'm old enough that my baby is married....and about to through everything away." Needless to say I cussed her out in my head a little. Another needless thing to say is I'm not staying there right now...or for a while. I may go back to get some deer meat to cook but that'll be it. The day I left the house she only asked if Josh and I had spoken. And that was it, and I was proud of her.

I don't know what anyone things at this point. I don't know if she believes that I'm NOT having an affair, if my step dad thinks I am, if my uncle does(which I highly doubt, but he never brought the subject up. He knows I'll talk when I'm ready.), or what Joshuas family thinks. I had to leave my moms because I felt like I was being pushed back to Joshua. And that is NOT what I need right now. I have not contacted a lawer or filed for divorce because, well, what if I am truly happy with Josh. I'm not going to lie, I can't afford divorce. I especially won't be happy if we divorce and get back together, I've had to always think about money money money for so long that it would be such a waste to do the divorce and all. Yes I know that sounds super duper shallow and cold, but it's true.

I may actually be happy with him. There have been several times where I've wanted to just go back to the house and pretend this never happend and go back to the way things were. Because they were easier then. And they've been going on for so long.

This past weekend has been super fun. Well, mainly last night. We had a great Angels Night( "angels" was an accidental nick name we picked up our first night out a few weeks ago.) I love my bests. I love all of my supportive friends and co workers. I'm blessed.

Don't worry, I'm sure God isn't happy with me right now. But that's not to say that what I'm going through won't make me a stronger Christian or be able to help someone else along the lines.

I am just trying to find me. And I was recently told that a few pictures of me have seemed so happy. And I am happy. But I've still got a lot of figureing out and digging to do.

My mind may be made up already and I just have to get my heart on the same page. I'm not sure. I'm not going to lie, I've some what avoided my church family and friends for fear of being pushed and guilted back to Joshua. It's not easy and it's not right, but it is what it is.

I'm going to leave this as a broken off post. I have more to say but not enough time to do it..

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Bandito!

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Blank.

Pain.

Those are the two things I've been feeling lately.

I had a bunch of words flowing through my mind earlier. I don't know where they went.

I packed up most of my clothes yesterday. I left Joshua a note, it was a one and three fourths pages long. Yeah, not very long at all. It mainly said things I already had. And yes a note. No that wasn't the best way but it was the only way. He would have guilted me into staying if I had chosen any other revenues. I did fine last night, absolutely fine.

After six.

Karaoke Night helped a ton and so did a friend from high school. He literally had me laughing all night. I haven't laughed that hard for that long in a long long time. It was great.



My words are still gone.

My mom thinks I'm having an affair. Pretty sure my step dad does, along with Joshua and his family. Not sure about my Uncle.

I am so blank right now,I don't even know. Anything. Hopefully I'll find my words in the morning.

Hopefully I won't be yelling them.

Why do I want to leave again?

This is something I've been asking myself for the past...three days? Maybe four. Probably this whole past month.

I've been trying to write a list this morning(I had more points while I was still laying freezing bed). Why won't Josh and I work. Why am I having so many doubts. How are we different. These are all factors I'm trying to put on paper. Maybe I'm having trouble doing it because I'm so scared he'll see it. But then again if he ever reads any of my blog he'll be pretty ticked off.

I know that I could be happy staying with him. I know that we could pretty well pretend all of this never happened. But that doesn't mean that it didn't. That doesn't mean that a few things have re awakened in me. Our life will be standardized. It would fit into a mold. And he would be more than happy with that. But I would still crave that life I have always craved.

I fell in love because he was the fairy tale. He was like Prince Charming, rescuing me from the dragon.

Here is a question I keep asking my self: Why am I not happy???

I have practically everything. A house, a car, two dogs. A great church. A good man. What am I missing? What is it that is the problem?

My only answer to that is that I need to stand on my own two feet. I need to go find my self. I need to find out what makes me tick. What motivates me. What makes me really happy. What my true opinions are, about everything. From politics to people.

I'm not going to lie. I'm completely freezes up while posting this because I'm thinking 'to truly get the space I need I need to pack up and go to moms' then right after that I think "he will be so pissed.'

I haven't worn my rings for just over a week. I spent almost two hours looking at apartments/houses for rent.

Wow this list looked so much better in my head as I was freezing in bed...

Long over DUE!

Okay I have half an hour before midnight! I can do this!!! Here are some way long over do photos that I have been promising and promising!!

I want this!!

I seriously wanted to just curl up on this. It looked so fluffy and comfy. If I could be guaranteed that there were no spiders, bugs or snakes I would have. And slept very peacefully. Even though this picture really doesn't show just how fluffy this grass looked...

One of the top pictures of the night(last friday)

A must read.

Oh dear... I need to step up my photo taking! I have been slacking pretty bad!!

before the dyeing...

please excuse the mess that I was!

Moving forward with it All

Well, today has been....

Interesting?

I didn't fall asleep til about two am. Was woken up around 8/830. Took an hour is nap. Applied for a few nanny/babysitting jobs and a photography job. I really really hope to hear back about them. Maybe not all the baby sitting jobs but a few of them and definitely the photography job.

I'll need to take out a small loan for a camera. Which is exciting because not only will I be getting credit from the car, and Josh's bike but also for a camera.

I've put a lot of things on the back burner that I used to really enjoy.

Ohmygoodness ohmygoodness ohmygoodness!!

I just got an email from the photographer gotta go!

Things looking up??

Maybe.

Possibly...

Hopefully...

Joshua and I had a discussion today. Well two of them.

Here let me tell you how yesterday went first so that you can understand todays...

It all started with the people in Searcy who didn't have their crap together! They called me at about 840 and said that I had to go down there with Joshua to sign papers so that he could get his bike. Well, I had to work that night and had ended up staying at G's. My in-state Bro and I had decided to car pool to her house, so I had to bring him to his car before going to meet with Joshua. Along with stopping by the bank and getting some food in my tummy.

When I finally got to Joshua, he went from in a good mood to in a bad mood. And spent the better part of an hour yelling at me in the truck with his dad as we drove down to Searcy. Yes, I was pissed. I did not want to have that discussion(the same discussion we've had for about the past month) in front of his dad. And I told him. He's reply was that his dad already knew everything. I didn't care and still did not want to have the discussion in front of his dad. Didn't stop him. He also called my said instate Bro and told him never to contact me again as he felt like I had been replacing him(joshua). He threatened to take my phone(I literally thought "You are not my mother". He was acting a LOT like my mom used to.) He went on to talk about how in ten years he could be the president of the bank, which would be awesome. but did you notice how his 5years turned into 10??? I sure did. Okay there was a lot said. It would be a horribly long post if I put everything... Or just the stuff that I remembered.

At the Searcy place I was pretty pissed. They were dragging their feet horribly, they were supposed to have everything already lined up and they did not. We got there just after two and didn't leave til after five. I was supposed to be at work at five. In my bad mood and the fact that I wasn't sure when Josh would be home(he was going to drive his dads bike to his house and help him unload it.) I told him that I wasn't giving him five years. Literally we were in the middle of the place I was sitting on a (pretty awesome) four wheeler and I was like, "I'm not waiting five years."

He told me I was being selfish, really selfish. He has guilted me...a lot.

Last night we had a small talk. During the hour yell he mentioned he didn't need friends. And he might not but I do. I am a social person. I thrive with people. At the age of... 7 ish my dad told me I was a social butterfly. I love people. I love friends. I love having good time. That is what our talk was mostly about. And the fact that I went from being my moms daughter to being his wife.

And this morning before I got out of the car for work he asked what I wanted from him. And I couldn't answer. Why not you ask, because I he has guilted me horribly for wanting to leave. Because I do love him, I'm just not in love with him. I told him that(after work). I told him that I need to find out who I am. I reiterated that I went from being my moms daughter to Josh's wife. That I need time to be me. To find myself. Who I really am. And he finally agreed. Finally understood that I had a very valid point. He is going to give me my space instead of smothering me like he has been. The more he tries to cling to me the more I want to get away. it all sounds great but I don't honestly know how long it will actually last. If I will actually get all the space I need. I also don't know if he realizes that i'm still moving.

It was a better day after we had our first talk on the ride home. Then after a while I told him that my instate bro and I are friends. And that I am not going to stop communicating with him. That I'll hang out with him less but we are still going to hang out and talk. I don't know there are a lot of other things for me to type out but I think that's enough for now. I'm sure this is pretty much the longest post I've done in quiet a while.

So much So little time.

I have been fighting a massive migraine all morning. Stress and lack of sleep.

I've been having very minor asthma attacks, stress induced I'm positive.

Today has been a bad day that just keeps gettin worse...

More tomorrow.

I'll be better when I'm older

I absolutely love that song by Edwin McCain.
(it's actually what I'm listening to right now. Thank you Pandora for being amazing.)


Okay so I need to get this all out before I do another ho-hum depressing and yet uninformative post.


Josh and I are having problems(obviously). They have been going on for quite a while. Longer than I think I even know. And they've finally caught up with us. Mainly me. He has had three years of my life. No matter what happens I will always love him. And his amazing family.

But thing is, I'm moving to California. With or with out him. More likely the latter. Now I'm not doing this tomorrow. It's going to be in about two years. At least that's the dead line. I'm going to get in touch with my dad and see if he'll let me live in the extra house on his property while I get everything lined up. A job and a place to live in the town of the college I want to go to. I'm going to go to college to be a Marine Biologist.

This didn't just pop out of the blue. I've wanted to be one for quite a while and I let myself be talked out of it.

The other night when Josh and I drove to the ball park and talked, he asked me for five years. Five years for him to be ready to leave. And I can't give that to him because I will stay here for the rest of my life. I will persue a degree in something that will not make me truly happy. And yes I know that this sounds selfish. But I will not be happy staying here. And he will not be happy leaving here. Arkansas gets in your blood. I pretty much grew up here. There is no way I could completely abandon it. Not to mention I do also have family here.

Joshua wants to try and he want's to make things work. And I want to try. Like I said it's been three years of my life, I'm not just going to give up. He is a great man who has done so much for me. I never saw us going through all of this but we are.
And it's hard.
And I don't know how I feel.
I feel horrible, but I feel nothing.

And I can't believe I'm being so open with complete strangers. I just hope that what I'm going through, all of this that I type about, that one day it will help some one else.


Divorce was never in my vocabulary and now it's seems inevitable.

Staying at my moms has been a little bit of a help. I'm planning on going to the house tomorrow. Not sure what time but before I go to work tomorrow night. Tonight I'm going to a bests house, then sunday work and church. Monday we may go to Joshuas parent's house, they want to have a little get together with us and my bro/sis in law. We may even go to the Washington County Fair. Probably not, but it sounds nice.

And on a side note...

I hope everyone has a GREAT weekend!! I'll do a picture post ASAP! Probably....this weekend???

Wednesday Short Story

I swear its like time is absolutely flying these days. I can not believe it is wednesday again. And yes I know I say that every time. :/

Well last night was interesting and so was today:
Last Night

• Joshua drove to my work place and sat waiting for me to get off work.


• We drove to a ball park down the street.


• We cried.


• I made him get out of the car.


• I went to a movie with my instate bro. It was pretty good but that will be posted on mah other blog.

Today

• I did't get a good nights sleep.


• I worked a double.


• I keep finding mosquito bites, I'm guessing from the night before last when I sat outside talking with uncle.


• I read the Zombie Survival Guide at Barns N Noble between shifts


• Took Joshua some food after work.


• We talked, he teared up a little.


• I sent my resume to Head Start( tiny story for another day)


• Duchess was pathetic. I really missed her! so bad!


• I was honest with him.


• oh and before my second shift Josh and I got into a little text fight. He went from angry to apologetic in a like half an hour.

Okay that's it!! ish! lol

Sweet dreams!

Moms: Day2

Have you ever felt so torn to do what the "right" thing is and to do what is the "right" thing just not right for everyone else?

So day two has been almost as uneventfull as day one. With the exception that it is not over yet and I work tonight. I did have a great time last night catching up with my Uncle and Mandy. I LOVE their stories of beating each other and when my Uncle has his kids. Tons and tons of laughing last night.

Now I love my mom but like I've said in previous posts, we're not very close. She's honestly not very close with anyone. But she is my mom and I know that she loves me. And wants to be there for me and is worried about everything going on right now. Although she really only knows a little. Pretty much barely more than ya'll.


I'm actually trying not to cry right now. Well, my brain is trying to go either way. To cry or not to cry that is the question.

Don't worry at the end of this week I will tell you the story and it will be long. Very long.



But while at moms it's almost like deja vu. Or like my Jim-Dad (step dad) said last night: Just like old times. Old times as in back when I did live with my mom and she always "asked" me to do/get things for her. Good times Good times. At least I'm not the one being blamed for touching the thermostat(truth be told NO ONE is touching it).



Okay that's all before I tell the "story" ahead of time!! Hope your day goes by very excitingly!!

First Day Off/First Day at Moms

Well.
Where to start? Where to start?


I came to my moms last night after meeting with mah bestie Nicole at Ihop. We talked for almost two/three hours and I promise it felt like only half an hour. When we get together we can talk about 1000 things in an hour and time flies! But those are some of the best friendships!!

My sleep has been better. Which is surprising-ish. Like last night I got rest but not much actual sleep. It's been the other way around for a while, so I'm happy. :)

Oh goodness I really don't know what to say!!

I'm planning on getting my belly button peirced and a few tattoos. I am very excited. Nervous but very excited.

I have my tattoo buddy who is going to be going with me for all of them. We made a deal neither of us can get a tattoo unless the other is there. Did I mention I was nervous??

Okay just checking.

Busy Busy!

I. Am. So. Tired.

Ugh.

Well I got a job!!! Yippee!! Over at the Celtic Grill in Bentonville!

And if my phone would stop BLOWING UP I could probably get this done much faster!

Okay then, I got the job last friday and have been working everyday since. I really really enjoy it. The food is great and the people are tons of fun.

Um...well.. A lot has changed since mah last post. Well since my birthday I guess. But I'm not going to go into much detail about that. Yet. But I'm going to go stay with my mom for a week or so. I've been saying "we" need our space, but it's mainly me. I still think Joshua needs his space, but he doesn't. We aren't separating.

Last weekend I went out with my bests! Had a complete BLAST! We're probably going to go out this weekend, just not sure if we're going over to my 'instate brothers' or if we're going to a concert for Reckless Kelly. haha I'll only get to go to that if I'm old enough to get in! love it lol

WOAH! Just realized it's Wednesday Short Story!! I can not believe it is already Wednesday! or that I forgot!!! Guess I'll just save the rest for later lol

Wednesday Short Story

Is it really Wednesday already? This just doesn't seem right. :/

Bit of a recap for you:

• I have been beyond horribly addicted to music lately. Of all kinds.
• Josh and I had a small tiff Monday night, I had a friend who really needed a friend so I went to make sure they were okay. At midnight. Hey I couldn't sleep anyways, and yes it may not have been the smartest decision. I can see you already shaking your head lol
• I had a stress break down yesterday. Duchess was acting sick(I was getting scared she had parvo) and that on top of everything else pushed me over the edge.
• Because my FAFSA still hasn't been awarded, or my student loans, I was dropped from my classes. So that caused some more crying.
• I've decided to be come a bartender. They make great tips and people are going to drink anyways, regardless of who is their bartender. Of course I have to wait a year for this to come into effect but oh well lol

I'm actually going to go and get my classes RE registered! Woohoo this'll be fun!

Hope you have a great day!

Birthday!

I have officially graduated from the teens. I am 20. Holy Cow.

Yesterday(Saturday) was my birthday and it was pretty fun! I don't have really any pictures, but I promise I will upload a PURE photo post. Where the only words are the descriptions!

I had a massage at the Spiritual Journey Massage Therapy! It was the Grand Opening! Dora did a great job! Now they are still brand new and working everything out but I do believe they are going to do Military and Student discounts(call to make sure they have everything set up though). I was so relaxed when I left! I am definitely going to be a repeat customer!

Then I had my hair done by my mommy! She did a great job. Trust me I was very scared. Before she washed all the dye out it was orange and I was freaking out. Last time she dyed my hair it was supposed to be brown with a touch of auburn and long with layers. It ended up being purple. And SHORT.

Sorry did you catch that? PURPLE and SHORT.

Needless to say there were tears.

The before

The after

Needless to say I don't have a ton of pictures of me with the purple hair. It ended up going red after a while, I kept washing it with lemon juice.... So I was a little nervous as she was mixing the dye...

Next I came home watched some tv and jammed to some music while doing my nails. Sally Hansen Platinum. Very cute.

Joshua went fishing just after I came home, so I went out with my best guy friend. It was fun!

I heard from my dad, and my grandparents! I LOVE to hear from them!! Not to mention my step sister called and sang me Happy Birthday!!