Rough Drafts

I was going to title this "Life of An Adult", but I don't know. It doesn't really fit.
So I'll tell you a little secret: Most of the time I do rough drafts of my posts. Not all the time, but most of the time. :)

As much as I'v tried to not stress and posted about not stressing, it just won't stop. Yesterday it just felt like everything was caving in. Even though I was still pretty chipper, I was more so frustrated and like I said, it felt like everything was caving in.

As much of a people person that I am, and as much as I love working at a restaurant, it is just not for me. I am not going to bad and I am not going to trash talk. I'm just going to take action and better my own life.

With my stress levels and my depression I was about to go down the hill. A pretty big bad hill. (and yes I know I promised to be honest, but there are still things I will not yet talk about, or in some cases talk about at all. Some things need to stay private, alway remember that.) But mah BFTAG stopped me, he has kept me sane and grounded. And I am very thankful to him and apologetic that I have not been a better friend. But that is something I'm working on. i've let a lot of wrong from past people and past experiences really affect me lately. Almost to the point of changing my me. My who I am.

Uh, there are so many things right now that are just crushing. In on me. And this time of year is the cuddly time, and have someone with you. Someone to save you from your family dinners and be able to take you and go to their families. I will say I'm thankful that my housemate has the tradition of having Thanksgiving at her house for friends that have no where else to go. It will be a saving grace for me.

I have been a bottomless pit for food for the past two days. I don't know if it's stress, if it's my metabolism or what. But it drives me crazy, I've gone though bouts(not sure if I spelt that right) my whole life. I will eat eat eat eat and then i will practically be anorexic. Its annoying.

I know this post has bounced off several walls, but that is my brain pattern today. All over. There is so much going on and that i have to do that its just ugh. Again I am sorry that this has been a crazy and somewhat downer post. I promise I will have a very chipper post for you soon.

have a GREAT weekend.

All Those Crazy Thoughts

that we used to have as kids or even now. Whats is the craziest thing you've thought of today? Did you act on it? Did you pay it much attention? Will you act on it?

See I've had this little thought floating around for LONG TIME. Then I buried it pretty deep, because of Joshua. But its started floating agian, pretty bad. In fact bad en0ugh that I'm finally acting on it. And... woo.. I cant believe I'm telling the whole internet, but I'm going to start modeling. Not full time walk the run walk way, but part time showing skin.

I think the female body is beautiful and why not show off whatcha got? I'll not be doing nude shots, or playboy like crap, but actual art work. Things I won't be embarressed of when I have children, things I can be proud of. I'm horribly excited and I'm also a bit nervous. I am going to adopt a new diet plan, and stick to it pretty stead fast. I may not be "fat" but I have weight that I can lose and muscles/areas that could use some toning. I want to be healthy, not just a skinny girl with a pretty face. If you don't have health, you really have nothing.


Lets see... yeah not a lot of other crazy thoughts going that warrant a mention.

I've had a pretty good day today. The weather has been suprisingly amazing. I can not tell you how thankful I am to be in this beautiful house, blessed with stability and a great housemate. I love her and her kids to death. Even though her little boy and I argue quite a bit. The knowlegde that I will come home to one place for at least a year is so comforting. In three months since I left Josh, I've moved at least4to6 times. And with having a whole life of moving AT LEAST once a year, this is exciting.

I get to decorate my room how I want. I get organize my clothes in my closet the way I want and take up all the shoe space I want. I'm feeling an honest to God sence of freedom at this moment. And I love it.

But the only things that is really bothering me, even more so than money(because I've got a few cards up my sleeve and will be getting paid soon), I'm scared to death I'm going to lose my best friend, my instate bro. I've been pushing him to start talking to others girls and when we went to a party friday, he started talking to one. That I know of. I love him to death and we've grown really close these past few months(hence the best friend part). And while I'm happy that he talking with a girl(s?), I'm worried. I have this luck of not having friends(especailly the ones I'm closest too) not sticking around. Ugh I don't know why I'm so worried, he's always said he won't date a girl if she isn't okay with his best friend being a girl and me. But words are words, we'll just have to wait and see the actions.

Okay okay en0ugh rambling! I hope everyone has a great night and had a great day!

Not Mommys Little Girl Anymore

I am no longer the little girl who would run for mommy(or daddy) whenever I scratch me knee or see a big spider. As badly as I may want to, I no longer do.

I am a big who is all on her own now. I don't need a man. Maybe for car troubles or furniture that is too heavy. But that's it. I can plunge my own toilets, cook my own meats(this is big because I HATE cooking meat), I kill spiders(after cursing them out for a few minutes), and I know how to shoot a gun. I may not yet be able to skin a buck, but I'll get there.

Life likes to throw lemons and punches and road blocks. But we all learn to make lemonaide, to take the punch and throw one back and we always learn the back roads. But we still can't learn to leave the stress or worry alone. Why is that? There is nothing we can do to change what is happening or what happened. We can, sometimes, change the "will" happen. We all grow and mature, some faster than others. Some in much different ways than others. But we are all human, we are flesh and blood.

I, me, this RainyDayStory girl, is flesh and blood. I have emotions, I have fears, I have dreams and goals. I have my mommy, even though we don't get along. I have my daddy, who I think we're getting close again. I have my family. And I have my friends. I am a big girl.

I have bills to pay, college to put myself through, and a life to live. I have a full plate and can't let it get to me. Like I've said before I don't like not go go going. I can't do one thing for long. When stress hits, I head for the sugar.

Yes, my life is easier compared to most and I have put myself in this position but for me that doesn't make it any easier.

This post is pretty well all over the place, I apologize, but my thoughts are pretty scattered. I almost know what I want to say, just the words are having trouble coming out.