The little things

I love the little things that brighten my day :)

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Insightful?

Not so much this time. I mean I was totally thinking about doing an insightfull post but I've done so much of them and i am in a really really bubbly mood. And sure it could go either way but eff the insightfull mood tonight.

I had my nails done today! They are actually really cute. I had them done by one of my moms close friends. Pictures soon!! They were done for my halloween costume, not quite what i was hoping for/wanting, but they are still really cute. My best guy friend has been amazing lately. He went with me to get my nails done even though it took WAY WAY longer than it was supposed to, he helped my friend ,ER, and I with a few things and has just been there emotionally for me. I had a pretty nifty(yes that's sarcasm) panic attack and he helped calm me down.

My new diet has been going pretty darn good! I'm so surprised at how well I've been able to curb my sweet tooth. Don't get me wrong all of these fruits have been a huge help. My goal to tone up before Halloween is sadly not as reached as I was hoping. I mean I can see some toning going in my legs which makes me really happy. I did download an fitness app. ... yeah I have been pretty lazy about keeping up with it. I mean it's really insightful on how many calories are in things and how many calories you burn. I guess it's helped because I really watch how much I eat. The whole typing everything in and finding the right the item got a little annoying and monontinious.

Oh goodness Oh goodness. I have completely forgotten almost everything I was thinking about saying. Ugh I was wired a little while ago and now I'm pretty sleepy. And Hungry.

Ahh yes, pictures. I will upload pictures for you as soon as I can! Let me tell you, I have quite the to do/to get list

Sweet dreams! hope Everyone has had a great weekend!

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Wednesday short story

Wow I forgot it was wednesday..
1. Picking a halloween costume is not easy
2. I want smores
3. I have two if the best female friends ever
4. I have money stress
5. The kids I watched last night were great
6. Reconnected with another old friend
7. Got a voice mail from my dad saying he loved me(I almost started bawling)
8. Joshua went to a counselor today
9. I told my grama (dads mom) josh and I were separated
10. Karaoke was actually lame tonight


It was an over all good day!!

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What is love?

I can quote corinthians to answer that. But what else is it? I thought I knew. I thought I had it all figured out. I thought I had my fairy tale. But slowly cracks made their way into the walls. And floors and windows. Slowly and sneakily. So sneaky I never saw them so I can't date how long they're been there. But if I had to guess it would be a while.
I met with joshua today. We say at subway for 2.5 hours and finally made some head way. I told him quite a few things. He "spilled" his heart. he wants to practically completely change for me. I don't want that. That isn't love. he said he would take me and buy my tattoo if thats what it took to save us and keep me.
See thing is, I dont want him to hold this against me and or over me. Same about Cali. Same about everything. I caved though. I told him I would try. But only with my terms. 1. He takes his rings off 2. I don't stay there 3. We start all over as if we were just dating 4. I can't believe I'm saying this but sex with no strings 5. He starts going out and making friends. Guys and girls. I don't care.
I promised him nothing. I made it clear, very clear, that I could promise him nothing., I would not could not promise him that I would come home or that this would work. I Kept reiterating that point and that I know that all of this hurt him but it was the truth and it all needed to be said. I wanted to be honest so I was.
I told him I knew that if I stayed things would go back to the way things were. That he and I had always fought and been stressed or entire relationship. Pretty much everything I have posted on here. It all started off with tears but it got to the point that I had to be firm. This is a first for us. We've never been in a situation like this before. He says he's changed. We'll see. That's all I can really say, that's all I really have left to say. I told him I may still not want to come home after all this. So.... We'll see.
He asked if I missed or thought about him. I was honest: yes I'd thought about him, I'd been worried about him. But no I hadn't missed him. I had been so much happier gone.

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