I met with joshua today. We say at subway for 2.5 hours and finally made some head way. I told him quite a few things. He "spilled" his heart. he wants to practically completely change for me. I don't want that. That isn't love. he said he would take me and buy my tattoo if thats what it took to save us and keep me.
See thing is, I dont want him to hold this against me and or over me. Same about Cali. Same about everything. I caved though. I told him I would try. But only with my terms. 1. He takes his rings off 2. I don't stay there 3. We start all over as if we were just dating 4. I can't believe I'm saying this but sex with no strings 5. He starts going out and making friends. Guys and girls. I don't care.
I promised him nothing. I made it clear, very clear, that I could promise him nothing., I would not could not promise him that I would come home or that this would work. I Kept reiterating that point and that I know that all of this hurt him but it was the truth and it all needed to be said. I wanted to be honest so I was.
I told him I knew that if I stayed things would go back to the way things were. That he and I had always fought and been stressed or entire relationship. Pretty much everything I have posted on here. It all started off with tears but it got to the point that I had to be firm. This is a first for us. We've never been in a situation like this before. He says he's changed. We'll see. That's all I can really say, that's all I really have left to say. I told him I may still not want to come home after all this. So.... We'll see.
He asked if I missed or thought about him. I was honest: yes I'd thought about him, I'd been worried about him. But no I hadn't missed him. I had been so much happier gone.
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